Trigger Warning – R*pe, sexual assault and gender-based violence
For the past two decades of my life, I have heard countless stories of heinous crimes against women. Over and over we weep, and protest and plead over the lives of our fallen sisters, those whose lives were cut short in horrific ways. Those who were made to suffer unimaginable pain in their last moments, Those who are still missing, and those who will live the rest of their lives with the trauma of some man’s actions.
But as we call for legislative change, we must also acknowledge the need for systemic and cultural change. We must recognize our own role in creating this system. It is not enough to just speak out. For years we have allowed a rape culture to fester and take over our nation and it is now out of control. According to the Fraser for the California Law Review, “rape is a product of a multifaceted complex of sexism supported by benevolent as well as hostile ideologies.” In simpler terms, we have created a rape culture that blames women for the actions of men which have been cultivated for their entire lives, it stratifies gender and enables toxic misogyny. Yes these systems are pornography and sexually explicit music, but rape culture is also in the home, at school and from the very age that little girls are told that boys hit them because they like them.
When we think of rape culture we often jump immediately to the end result and the worst possible one. But there are stages before that need to be recognised and stopped before they can take over. I’ve seen a number of persons call for the protection of women, who are openly sexist and even abusive in real life. We need to be fighting against the misogyny in our thoughts and actions.
Whenever we coddle our sons and tend to their every need, we teach them that women are subservient. They internalize from a young age that women are there to listen to him, work for him and cater to him. And then on the other hand he sees his other family members chastising girls for how they are dressed or how late they stay out. He would hear words like “she’s dressed like a hoe” or “she asking for it”. And then what would his view of women be? When he goes to school and hits a girl and everyone says its okay because he likes her?
Let’s recap,
Its okay to hit girls you like = domestic violence.
Look how she dressed, she asking for it = will disrespect women.
I will wash, do the laundry and clean your room and do your homework son = misogyny and patriarchy.
And all this is cultivated during childhood in the home. Children learn by socialization and will recreate whatever they see in the home when they are adults. They will treat women the same way they see daddy does. As much as you tell your child to respect women, he will only do as he sees.
And as adults?
Catcalling
Unsolicited comments on women’s appearances
Objectifying women with your friends
Domestic violence/rape jokes
Listening to music that openly disrespects and objectifies women
Sending unsolicited pictures
Manipulating partners into sexual activity
Maintaining friendships with known abusers
Engaging with underage girls
If you do any of these things you are also part of the problem. Before you post up that “protect our women” placard on your story or even attend a protest, consider your own actions. These are not overt rape, but they stem from rape culture. They are okay in your minds because of rape culture. These same monsters can sleep in their beds at night because of the rape culture that we have allowed to progress. Our media, music and conversation have subconsciously taught us that it is okay to treat women as inferior, as objects, and as toys.
We see women as fragile beings that can be dominated or need to be protected, either way they cannot exist on their own. We have grown a borderline contempt for women, their autonomy, and their very existence in society. If we are to fix the problem, we must unlearn our cultures and behaviours that allow this toxic environment to persist. We need legislation to protect us from these harmful elements, but we also need to put a stop to the systems that generate them. So please pull up your bredrin, pull up yourselves, pull up the government and teach your children better. Stop blaming women for crimes committed against them.
Sources:
Fraser, Courtney. “From ‘Ladies First’ to ‘Asking for It’: Benevolent Sexism in the Maintenance of Rape Culture.” California Law Review, vol. 103, no. 1, 2015, www.jstor.org/stable/24758470